It doesn’t take long into Musiq’s breakout single “Just Friends” to realize he was wildly ahead of his time.
Well, for women, it was probably still too little, too late.
But if you are looking for a song that is almost a play book of how to politely ask a woman to spend time with you, look no further than 2000’s “Just Friends”.
#1. Polite Approach
Girl I know this might seem strange
But let me know if I’m out of order
For stepping to you this way
See I’ve been watching you for a while
Ok….maybe you don’t need that last line but the approach is off to a polite start.
Notice how Musiq doesn’t yell at the woman from his car. He also does not immediately invade her personal space.
Notice the lack of whistling and complete absence of the word, “daaaaaammmnnn”.
#2. More Than Just a Body-Ody-Ody
Next, notice how Musiq doesn’t talk to this woman about how banging her body-ody-ody is.
Writers of lyrics and poems and TV shows, let’s take note.
When describing a woman, there are more things to write about than the parts of her body.
And I just gotta let you know
That I’m really feeling your style
‘Cause I have to know your name
Here, we see the Soulchild talk about the woman’s style.
Guys, as I understand it, style is this thing some women have.
Only a part of a woman’s style is how her personality is expressed in the clothes she wears.
Style can also be the way she talks, the movies she likes, or preferable to all of those things, how hard she roots for the Green Bay Packers.
#3. No Pressure
And leave you with my number
And I hope that you would call me someday
If you want you can give me yours too
Notice how Musiq says things women like to hear a man say.
Things like, “if you want” and “leave you”.
He’s giving her options that lead us to believe he thinks of her as a person with agency.
#4. Not Being Mad At Her
And if you don’t [give me your phone number] I ain’t mad at’cha
We can still be cool
These might be the most important lyrics of the entire song.
See how Musiq gives her the option to not reciprocate his feelings?
This is because he realizes he doesn’t know her well and he knows that she doesn’t know him at all.
By giving this woman an out in an assertive manner, Musiq is also able to protect his own ego should this interaction not go as desired.
#5. You Don’t Have to be My Girlfriend
I’m not trying to pressure you
Just can’t stop thinkin’ ’bout you
You ain’t even really gotta be my girlfriend
I just want to know your name
Now honestly guys, if you just started talking to a girl, I wouldn’t recommend saying, “you ain’t even really gotta be my girlfriend”.
That’s kind of like saying, “there will be no one waiting for you inside your house when you get home tonight”.
You are thinking too far ahead and it’s unsettling.
Also, by stating assumptions that we all take for granted, you make them sound like threats.
But as far as a mentality? I think Musiq is spot on: she doesn’t need to be his girlfriend.
Not only is she, I’m sure, relieved that she won’t be forced into a relationship with this man who just walked up to her and started singing, it’s a good mentality for the Soulchild himself.
Him not needing her to be his girlfriend is the healthy, confident approach every one of us could use more of.
6. As Long As She’s Comfortable
Or you can just chill with me
As long as you’re comfortable
And you feel secure when your with me cause
I’m not trying to pressure you
Notice the reptition of “not trying to pressure you”.
Notice how he wants this woman to feel secure and comfortable when she’s with him.
That is a positive side of masculinity.
Sure, there are downsides to taking this mentatlity to its extremes: always having to be the protector can mean men (and women) don’t allow men to be vulnerable or, yes, even sometimes, weak.
But at, or near, the top of the list, of all the things you could possibly want a woman to feel when she’s with you, have absolutely got to be “comfortable” and “secure”.
Be an Assertive Non-Asshole
When men put themselves out there to talk to women, we are risking rejection.
Rejection is painful.
Everyone has the right to feel hurt, we don’t, of course have the right to take our anger out on others.
So straight men who are still single, and thank god I’m not (single that is), I know not talking to women is not an option.
As the saying goes, “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”.
And if you’re anything like me, you miss 90% of the shots you do take at your Wednesday night rec league.
So if you’re ever even kind of questioning your own interactions with women (and as men we should be questioning how we are interacting with women) just ask yourself: what would Musiq Soulchild do?
#WWMScD